Blog Posts

no tony

3/22/2022

"No Tony Macaroni," he bellowed. "No bad jokes today!"
This only spurred them on.
"Hey, Tony, whaddaya call a fake noodle?"
"Yeah, why can't you pick up seafood, Tony?"
"An impasta," said Tony. "No mussels."
These were old jokes. Tony preferred the unexpected ones like the time a customer came in shouting, "Broccoli! Cauliflower! I'm sorry, I've got florets." Now, that was funny!
"Hey, Tony..."
He'd had enough. Tony inflated one hundred balloons with the restaurant's helium cylinder, tied ribbons to them and went outside. "Suck eggs, kids," he said, then Tony floated away. THE END

This picture and story was inspired by Mr. Ozio's song No Tony.

billy jack

3/18/2022

"My Aunt Billy Jack always kept a potato beetle in her pocket?"
"Why?"
"She didn't like scorpions. I'll tell you something else. She knew the secret hiding place of many things."
"Like what?"
"Jethro Tull's whistle. A dog brush. That toaster that could sing Hot In The City."
"Billy Jack... she was the plumber, right?"
"Seamstress."
"Ah, I always get the two mixed up."
"One mends dresses, the other drains messes. That's how I remember it." THE END

This picture and story was inspired by Curtis Mayfield's song Billy Jack off the album There's No Place Like America Today.

the system only dreams in total darkness

3/15/2022

"Look out, Moish!"
The shout came just in time. The king of kosher dill pickles jumped to safety as the wrecking ball crashed into the sidewalk right where he'd been standing.
"What the heck!" shouted Moishe, waving his fist at the crane driver. "I'm walking here!"
But it wasn't the crane driver's fault.
The Angel of Near Misses wanted to shake Moishe up. It wanted to scare the king of dill pickles (kosher) out of his waking slumber and bring him back to life.
"You ok, Uncle Moish," said his nephew.
"Hundreds, Rudy. I know it sounds crazy but I almost feel alive again." THE END

This picture and story was inspired by The National's song The System Only Dreams In Total Darkness off the album Sleep Well Beast.

Showbiz alert

3/12/2022

Sybil 1.0 could dance like a robot from 1984 because she was a robot from 1984.
No one could dispute a cold, hard fact.
But people did! They called her a phoney.
"It's someone in a box!" they yelled.
They refused to believe she was a robot even though they could clearly see she was. They were finding it hard to believe in the power of mechanics. Some still used Betamax.
Sybil 1.0 didn't care.
She continued telescoping her neck, spinning her wheels on the spot, and requested Woodpeckers from Space by VideoKids so many times the DJ eventually stuck it on repeat and went home. THE END

This picture and story was inspired by bRoTheRmAn's song ShowBiz Alert.

let the spirit

3/7/2022

A delegation of very important Swamis entered the 'elixir-of-life' room.
"Spider!" said Long Beard.
"Scimitar!" exclaimed Longer Beard.
"Lollipop!" growled Ridiculously Long Beard.
They went and stood over the pink candy disapprovingly.
"It's been licked and dropped," said Long Beard.
"It's stuck to the runner," said Longer Beard.
"It smells like bubblegum," said Ridiculously Long Beard.
The three Swamis made pretend vomit faces and shook their heads in disgust. Then, Long Beard picked up the lollipop and put it in a Ziploc bag. THE END

This picture and story was inspired by Roots Manuva's song Let The Spirit off the album Slime and Reason.

kennedy

3/3/2022

Kennedy was cooking eggs and baking bread - for one.
Kennedy was lonely. He wished he wasn't. Loneliness was a malady of the psyche.
A rat ran across the kitchen floor. For that one split second Kennedy was lonely no more. He picked up the pan of eggs and hurled it at the rat.
"Missed!" he screamed.
The rat ran into a hole in the cupboard. Kennedy lit a cigarette and held his nose. The rat wasn't smelly, Kennedy was. Loneliness had made him sloppy. Kennedy went into the lounge to stare at a wall. The rat came out and ate the eggs. THE END

This picture and story was inspired by The Wedding Present's song Kennedy off the album Brassneck.

into the groove

3/1/2022

Inchy started out as an Assistant Measurement Controller in the foxglove pot.
But Inchy had ambition.
She was aiming for the big leagues.
"You know that story," she said. "The one about measuring coffins. That's where I want to be."
"First, get into the groove," said her business coach. "Find the hole in the slippery bricks."
So, Inchy studied hard. She learnt everything there was to learn about measurement - inches in particular. And she avoided birds. Birds were mean. THE END

This picture and story was inspired by Madonna's song Into the Groove off the album Like A Virgin.

ding dong thing

2/25/2022

Donny was an actor. His best roles were the ones where he played the billionaire villain trying to take over the world.
As the only actor in the bloat, Donny was always being asked to speak at weddings.
Donny hated hippopotamus weddings. There were so many of them. He especially hated that propeller tail thing the males did when they were trying to get someone to dance.
"Smelly beasts," thought Donny.
But, as an actor, he never let on. He just smiled, told jokes and kept the conversation moving.
Donny was an actor. And a very good one at that. THE END

This picture and story was inspired by Felix Laband's song Ding Dong Thing off the album Deaf Safari.

rock the casbah

2/23/2022

"Let me tell you a joke, Mick. Knock, knock?"
"Come in."
"Ha ha, very funny. Don't be clever. Knock..."
"You want fries or baked potato?"
Joe looked at the waitress in the red skirt standing at his window.
"Friday fries, of course, love," he said.
The waitress took the menu's and rolled off.
"Best fries at the Casbah," said Mick.
"Best fries," said Joe. "Now, KNOCK. KNOCK?"
"This better be good," said Mick. "Who's there?"
"Europe."
"Europe who? Oh, I get it - you're a poo."
"Gets me every time," laughed Joe. THE END

This picture and story was inspired by The Clash's song Rock The Casbah off the album Combat Rock.

Le Poinconneur des Lilas

2/17/2022

Ilan left a voice note.
He told me about a ticket puncher at Lilas station who makes holes, little holes, still more holes. Holes for the second class. Holes for the first class. But that's not the strange part of the story.
This man, the ticket puncher, has a secret he's never told anyone. A gang of thieves once robbed a bank in 1978, the day Jacques Brel died, and hid the money in a lavatory in Lilas station.
The ticket puncher knows which lav it is and when the time is right, he's going to find that money and take the next train out of there - punching his own ticket to freedom. THE END

The picture and story was inspired by Serge Gainsbourg's song Le Poinconneur des Lilas.